As I was laying down with Edward this after noon, because he is just not taking a good nap today, I closed my eyes for a second to have this memory come flooding back. I don't know what sparked it, but here it is.
It will have been fourteen years ago on August 2nd. I was riding in the helicopter headed for Primary Children's Hospital. Not know what to expect, I sat there looking down at my beautiful little girl. She lay there with her eyes closed, not breathing on her own. I look at her golden blond curls, and wonder if I will ever get to do her hair again. She looks like a little china doll with her eyes closed, but this day her head was a little miss shaped, with some bruising. I don't think I have ever felt more alone, as we fly over the green hills, and mountains below dotted with many mountain lakes and ponds. I had put a little braid in her hair that morning, her hair was finally long enough. I ask the flight medic if I can take her braid out. Trying to be strong, because that is the only way I was allowed to ride with her to the hospital. I take the little rubber band holding the braid together, and let the braid fall loose in my hands, and the golden locks fall between my fingers just praying this is not the last time I get to hold her hair in my hands. The 45 minute trek is over, we are at the hospital. What a relief it was to get off the elevator and see my 2 wonderful sisters there, and one amazing brother-in-law. I will be forever thankful for you and sacrificing your time so you could be there for my beautiful blond baby girl so she wouldn't be alone, not knowing if I would be able to ride with her or not.
I can still feel her hair between my fingers, and every time since when I have been able to to her hair. It has been 20 year since I first found out I was pregnant with her. I don't remember if I always knew that little baby was going to be a girl, but in my heart I want to believe I did. What a blessing she is to me and Trevor, and we treasure every minute of everyday we get to spend with her. I know with every passing day she is getting one day closer to getting married and starting a family of her own. I think secretly I hope it is still 3-4 years out and she will still want to stay here at home, but one of these days she will be gone from our home and living on her own. I only hope I have taught her what she needs.